April's Full Moon Reading

Each Full Moon I engage in a ritual of cleansing my physical space and taking time to reflect on the past lunar-month. The content of the ritual has and will fluctuate as I continue to learn about my spirituality; this month I cleansed with an herb burning of Thyme, Rosemary, Lavendar, and Frankincense, ground roughly to a powder-ish while listening to music I deem Spiritually Powerful — this time it is Jon Hopkin's album titled Ritual. To close out the ritual I performed a tarot reading.

Today's reading was a simple 4-card spread, symbolizing The Querant, The Past, The Present, & The Future.

The drawings:

With the reversed The World card shown for The Querant, the reading calls me out for working too hard and spreading myself too thin, failing to follow through on projects to their completion. In doing so I keep to my comfort zones as a mechanism of avoiding and protecting myself form the world at large, hurting myself in the process. I think this process has been happening for a very long time, really since 2020 when the weight of the pandemic and my worsening mental and physical health really wore me down. This isn't an uncommon sentiment I'm sure, but it is sad to be looking back and realize all the hurt and struggle that I went through to make it to where I am now, even though it's not remarkably better than before. If you're going through similar struggles & realizations, I hope you can find some paths that will suit you better than what has come before 💜.

The Past is marked by The Chariot. Running counter the The Querant, The Chariot tells me that while I've largely stayed in my own bubble to my own detriment there is yet signs of steady progression and clear goals. There is a motivation behind my actions which is showing a direction within the madness, and what difficulties I encounter are approached carefully, taken seriously, and ultimately overcome. For a long time I've had several hobby projects I've rotated around, coming back to some and abandoning others, recently I've had a couple of ideas that have really stuck in my mind, and I see a few paths for how they can grow into something more than just a hobby project, into something that can grow beyond me and become something for the world to have, and that has been exciting for me to realize! I'm hoping that it won't take more than a year to realize these into something I can share and maybe even sell, but there's lots to be done first, like moving and finding a new job...

Speaking of which finding a path to a new job, and a new academic/professional career eventually, has been a big project in itself. I've ruminated on it for the majority of the past couple years as my contempt for my present job — electronics assembly technician & engineering support for a contract manufacturer, has reached critical levels. The current idea is to get hired at Starbucks, accept the lower income and deal with it accordingly while utilizing the flexibility of scheduling to better take care of myself and those I love in my down time. If I can stay employed there long enough to become eligible for the benefits I will utilize them to take classes at Arizona State University where I can take classes online and get the knowledge and resources I need to successfully start a business and design & sell products! Ideally anyway. I've also been working on a long-lost hobby of mine: making music. It's one that's been abandoned for far too long and I'm excited to be getting back into it! I'm having to re-teach myself a lot of things of course, but the practice has been so fun and I really hope I can make something of it.

With the Ace of Wands in The Present's position I see that the initial workings of big things are underway. With creative energy being cultivated with fresh energy, clarity and focus arises from within. Exciting opportunities could be ahead if I take advantage of this invigorating energy coming to me. Indeed in the couple hobby projects I've mentioned already and the paths I see for them, having that vision of what they can become — and the energy working on them has provided, has given me a lot of hope for what they may become! As always there is much uncertainty in is yet to come, especially now, but at least there's something to look forward to doing and making through the chaos.

Finally, The Devil stands in the place of The Future. Unsurprisingly, The Devil represents our compulsions and desires, and I believe it to be wise to pay attention when it comes up. Some positive things may come out of our compulsions and desires, but left unchecked it can be damaging to ourselves and our ambitions, turning passions into vices. There are so many things I can claim being passionate about, and I don't particularly see any of them getting to the point of taking over my life working on them but certainly that can change. For now I am far too focused on & stressed about moving and finding the next job for me to focus too much on the passions that tug at my heart. Once moving is done though things certainly can and will change when my free time can open up and I can refocus on my projects. Until then, there is not much point in stressing about what The Devil is telling me.

All in all I feel pretty good about what this reading fortells. There's lot I can apply to the current happenings of my life, and Tarot has been a great tool for introspecting and giving myself a time to check-in, making sure I don't get too lost in the draining repetiveness of life. Time will tell how my use of Tarot changes over time, and how much more it grows on my, but for now I'm feeling very optimistic about it!

/anxiety/ /passion/ /creative potential/